


Roses

by maximumfudanshi



Category: MEJIBRAY
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, Musicians, Romance, Slow Burn, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:30:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5852335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maximumfudanshi/pseuds/maximumfudanshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roses are red, Koichi is blue. But he'll deny it to his dying breath because Valentine's day is for dorks.</p><p>(In a rare lull between recordings, Koichi and Tsuzuku find time to get to know each other again. With all the years between them, they refuse to let 'best friends' turn into 'just coworkers', but will they ever be as close as they were in their reckless youth? Despite the time they spend together, Tsuzuku can still feel a gap between them, and Koichi can’t escape a melancholy sort of anxiety, a loneliness that persists even in a crowd.)</p><p>(A/N: this is not abandoned! as of 6-16-16, i have thousands of words of notes for it and some serious writers block!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One, in which Koichi gets his chocolates

**Author's Note:**

> By the way, I'm maximumfudanshi on tumblr now too!

Koichi stopped for just a minute to stare into the window of a bakery on the way home from the studio. The dainty little cakes in the glass case looked so perfect they almost seemed fake. But the heart-shaped fruit tarts were colorful and delicious looking… and almost 4000 yen each. He turned decisively away from the window and walked on. Places that sold sweets always seemed to jack their prices up around Valentine’s Day. Maybe that was okay for people who wanted to impress someone with an expensive gift, but it sucked for guys like him who just wanted to eat an entire cake alone in their apartment after a long day recording.

He had been in the studio since 8 am, and had been every day that week. It had been mostly just him and the techs and sometimes Mia, since trying to record with all the members in the studio inevitably devolved into chaos. Just him, getting up way earlier than he wanted to, working all day, then walking home alone after dark. The sunset was still so early that he felt like he never even saw the sun. It was disorienting. 

But it was over now. Maybe. For a little while, at least. His parts for the single were all recorded and “finalized”. Of course, nothing was ever really finalized, and he knew that he would end up needing to change something, but for a few days, while Mia did his thing, he was free of the studio. Mia probably wouldn’t let him in even if he wanted to come. He was dead serious about his solo for the title track.

He looked up at the pink heart lights that hung over the shopping street, bright in the crisp evening, and tried to get his mind off work. But then all he could think about was sweets. He wasn’t bothered by being alone on Valentine’s Day, no, he prided himself on not being that sappy. But damn if he didn’t want someone to buy him a box of chocolates. Fans, of course, sent chocolates, but no band of their fame would risk eating anything sent by fans. It made him want to cry to see all the chocolate thrown out, but he certainly wouldn’t risk it, especially after hearing one of Meto’s friend’s horror story about a razor blade in a chocolate back in his indies days. The thought made him cringe and walk faster as he crossed the parking lot in front of his apartment complex, hand against his lips as if to protect them.

It wasn’t until he was inside with the door shut behind him and his contacts exchanged for glasses that he really felt like he could relax. It was always good to be able to come home and be ugly in peace. That was one of the advantages of not participating in the holiday; not having to try to impress anyone. He scoured the kitchen for chocolate and when he found a half a bag of m&ms, he sat down on the sofa, put his feet up on the coffee table, and ate them all. Red ones first, blue ones last. He was half watching some Adventure Time re-runs when he got a text from Tsuzuku.

‘you wanna come over tonight?’ 

‘what makes you think i don’t already have plans?’

‘what, you? mister grumpy ‘valentines day is for dorks’?’

‘well, are you going to do something romantic for me?’ 

He felt a little stupid after he sent it; he never really meant to be so flirtatious with Tsuzuku, but somehow he kept doing it anyway. But in all the years they had known each other, Tsuzuku had never seemed to mind, and when another text arrived, it seemed that today was going to be one of the days when he played along.

‘shall i serenade you?’

‘i want a love poem. you’ve got to outdo the 10 page one that weird girl gave me in high school if you want me to leave the house again tonight.’

He wasn’t sure what he expected his bandmate to say to that. In the time it took for the next message to arrive he began to worry that maybe Tsuzuku had given up on him already. Oh, he’d never live it down if Tsuzuku thought he really was in a bad mood because of the holiday. 

‘roses are red, violets are blue, i want to touch your butt’

Koichi rolled his eyes and tried not to laugh at that. Another message came a minute later. It seemed Tsuzuku had taken the lack of a response as a cue to try harder.

‘roses are red, violets are blue, i’m using my hand but thinking of you’

‘okay, that one’s pretty good. but also about the least romantic thing i can think of’

‘if that’s the least romantic thing you can think of, you aren’t using your imagination’

Koichi sat back and used his imagination for a minute before answering that.

‘have you ever seen any of those pictures of americans in prom dresses trying to have a romantic dinner in a mcdonalds?’

‘you don’t think carrying your bride so she doesn’t drag her dress on a greasy mcdonalds floor could be romantic?’

By that point Koichi was muffling his laughter against a sofa pillow. Tsuzuku seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood- it would probably actually be pretty fun to go over and talk about stupid shit and complain together about the vapid couples clogging the streets. Koichi stood up and stretched, replying as he went to get his coat.

“okay, okay, i’m coming over. but there better be beer’

He pulled his boots back on and headed out toward the station. Despite the cold there were still quite a few couples wandering the though the shopping street near the station, taking photos under the light displays. He wove through them, anxious to get indoors and get drunk. A man in a suit ran past him, carrying an enormous bouquet. Wherever he was going, he was clearly late. On the train, Koichi amused himself imagining what fate might befall the poor guy. Would he get yelled at in public in a fancy restaurant? Or be forgiven only to die of a heart attack during the second course of dinner?

By the time he emerged from the stop closest to Tsuzuku’s place, he had decided he definitely wanted the guy to at least get a glass of champagne poured on him. He took the elevator up and let himself into Tsuzuku’s apartment, calling out as he pulled his boots off again in the foyer. 

“Hey, I hope you left that door unlocked on purpose.”

“Heyyy, finally. Someone to help me drink.” After a second, he seemed to realize what Koichi had said. “Yeah, I did. I’m not that absentminded.”

Koichi wandered into the kitchen, where the vocalist was opening a beer, and dumped his coat on one of the kitchen chairs. Tsuzuku turned around and gave him a prompting look, one that said ‘I know you have something to complain about’.

“I was very, very tempted to trip a guy and steal his bouquet,” Koichi admitted.

“But you didn’t?”

He help up his hands to show that he didn’t have any stolen flowers. “You should have seen the thing though, I don’t even want to think about how much it cost.”

“So you’re grumpy because no one bought you a bouquet.”

“No,” Koichi said, quick to defend his dignity, “I’m grumpy because everything at the bakery by my place is twice the price it usually is.”

Tsuzuku rolled his eyes and asked, “Well, did you get Mia’s snapchat about his bouquet?”

Koichi fished his phone out of the pocket of his coat. There was indeed a notification. He really didn’t want to see any more fucking bouquets, but he looked anyway. There were fifteen pictures from Mia, and every single one of them was of his cat eating roses made out of bacon. Once he had processed what he was seeing, he sat down on the tile floor of the kitchen, laughing in his confusion. Tsuzuku stared down at him, eyebrows raised.

“Meat bouquet. Sounds obscene. I need a drink,” he said, staring up at the ceiling from his place on the floor.

“Someone gave me a bottle of tequila,” Tsuzuku said, making a face. “It’s yours if you drink the worm.”

“Hell yeah I’ll drink the worm.”

Tsuzuku passed him a glass and carried the bottle past the half wall into the living room. Koichi got up and followed. He sat on the floor in front of the tv cabinet, while Tsuzuku sat on the sofa and opened the bottle of tequila on the low table between them.

“So, how was recording? You’re done for now-“

“No, nope, don’t even ask me about it.” He cut Tsuzuku off, grabbing the glass he had poured for him and turning around to power on the console. “When we finally move the desk in the studio you’re going to find about a hundred picks that I’ve dropped behind it in the last few days.”

“Alright, alright. Let’s talk about Mia. Do you think he made those roses himself?”

“Nah, I can’t picture him doing it.”

“But it’s not like you can just buy a meat bouquet at a florist’s…” When the console played its start-up sound Tsuzuku abandoned his line of thought. “What are we playing?”

“Resident Evil.” 

Tsuzuku stepped over the coffee table and lay down next to him on his stomach, grabbing the other controller. But, just as Koichi was about to press start he said, “Shit, I forgot to get the lights. We can’t just play horror games with the lights on.”

Koichi rolled his eyes, but turned off the lights and sat back down. At first they talked a little as they played, Tsuzuku mostly letting Koichi complain and sympathizing. But as the enemies started coming on faster they turned all of their focus to the game, drinks and conversation forgotten. As they played, Tsuzuku’s shoulder brushed his knee when he leaned in sympathy with his avatar or jumped in response to the sudden appearance of a monster.

It was comfortable, he always found, being close to Tsuzuku like this. The familiarity of his apartment and his voice and the way his sharp shoulder blades stuck out when he lay on his stomach. It wasn’t like Tsuzuku had lived here forever, but with all his stuff in it the apartment immediately seemed familiar to Koichi. He could relax here, with the coffee table that he had accidentally scratched and the vaguely erotic framed posters. But he realized too late that he was thinking about that crap when he should have been paying attention to the boss. Tsuzuku paused the game after watching his avatar’s gruesome death play out and rolled over onto his back.

“RIP Koichi.”

Sighing, he checked his phone and shoved the controllers out of the way before laying down with his head on Tsuzuku’s stomach.

“Do you realize how long we’ve been playing? It’s almost fucking 3 am. I got up before 8, I can’t believe I’m still awake.”

“But at least it’s not Valentine’s Day anymore,” Tsuzuku teased.

“Oh, fuck off.” Koichi was thoughtfully silent for a moment before continuing, “The candy will be 50% already won’t it?”

“Probably?”

“All right, go get your coat.”

Tsuzuku laughed as Koichi stood and went into the kitchen. When he came back buttoning up his green plaid coat, Tsuzuku realized he wasn’t getting out of this scheme so easily.

“I can’t believe you’re serious.”

“Unless you’ve got a box of chocolates hidden around here, just put you fucking coat on and let’s go,” Koichi insisted, turning up the collar of his coat and herding his bandmate toward the foyer and out the door.

They bumped each other’s shoulders and tried to muffle their laughter as they headed out through the sleeping neighborhood. They wound their way through puddles of melt water and patches of ice left from the last snow, heading towards the bright lights of the Seven Eleven. It reminded Koichi of their early Vanessa days, when he and Tsuzuku would sit and work together for hours, him picking at an unamplified bass and Tsuzuku staring for hours at a blank page, turning words over and over in his head, before suddenly writing out a whole song in one go. Or putting studs and grommets into pleather for new costumes and trying to out-do each other with creative cursing when they inevitably stabbed themselves with the awl. They would always be surprised when the sun rose and they realized they been at it all night. With the realization, suddenly the fatigue would hit. But they would stumble out to the convenience store for breakfast any way, laughing at everything and nothing in that way that comes with sleep deprivation. 

Back then, on a morning like that, every light shining in Tokyo seemed like an opportunity waiting for them. Some things had sucked though, like putting the spare on the tour van in the rain because they couldn’t afford to have it towed. Sleeping together on the floor of his friend’s apartment was also completely lacking in glamour, but he still missed that part. Nothing could ever really recreate the excitement of those early days and how close they had been then, even if it had only been out of necessity. They were starting to feel more like coworkers than best friends and Koichi hated how corporate that felt. And now that they both had their own apartments with queen-size beds, somehow it was impossibly awkward to come up with natural sounding reasons to sleep beside each other again.

As if he had been reading Koichi’s mind, Tsuzuku leaned forward to look at him. “You look like you’re about to fall asleep standing up. I don’t think I should let you try to get home tonight. This morning, whatever.”

“Hmm, yeah. No way I can stay awake till the first train anyway,” he agreed as they stepped into the warmth of the convenience store. Koichi was right, boxes of valentine’s candy were stacked up under a sale sign, unwanted now that the holiday was done. 

“Jackpot,” he said, stacking boxes of low-budget mint chocolates into a shopping basket. Tsuzuku looked on in amusement before disappearing behind a shelf and coming back with a jug of milk. Koichi smiled when he saw it.

“You know me too well.”

He lugged the overfilled shopping basket to the counter, where the sad looking clerk rang them up without seeming to notice what they were buying. They stepped back out into the night and silently divided up the shopping bags so that each of them could have at least one hand warm in a pocket. Koichi lit a cigarette and stared into the window of the well-lighted shop as he smoked. From out in the night, it reminded him of that painting… but he was too exhausted to remember the name and he doubted Tsuzuku would know what he was talking about anyway. He didn’t share Koichi’s passion for Americana, and he was staring in the opposite direction, shoulders hunched up against the cold. When Koichi put his cigarette out and started to walk, Tsuzuku turned at the sound at fell in step beside him.

They walked quickly, more than ready to be indoors again. Koichi had been awake for most of 24 hours, after a week of too little sleep every night, and he was glad Tsuzuku had volunteered to let him stay over. In recent years whenever he had stayed over, it had always been because he was drunk and fell asleep on the sofa. But he always woke up with a sore neck, so he was determined to sleep in a real bed tonight. He deserved it.

“You’re going to be a good host and offer me your bed, right?” he prompted.

“Sure, but it comes with me in it. You know how bad that sofa is to sleep on.”

“I hate that sofa.” He didn’t mind sharing, he just hoped it wouldn’t be awkward after so long. And he hoped Tsuzuku had grown out of his proudly-sleeping-naked phase.

They climbed a narrow street lined with row houses where the porches overflowed with green potted plants even in winter, then cut through a row of dormant shrubs in front of the apartment building instead of taking the long way around to the paved path. There was no sign of the stray cat that usually hung around, and Koichi silently hoped he was somewhere warm.

In the elevator, he grew impatient and tried to open a box of candy, but he couldn’t get the plastic wrap off with only one hand. He was still fighting with it as he waited for Tsuzuku to unlock the door and followed him into his apartment. In the kitchen, he dumped the bags on the table and tore into the box properly. He sat and put his feet up on the other kitchen chair, and watched as Tsuzuku opened the fridge to put the milk in, then turned around and sat it on the table in front of him instead.

“I shouldn’t even bother right?” Koichi nodded in response, mouth full of chocolate. “Don’t drink out of the carton,” Tsuzuku scolded him before grabbing a few chocolates and leaving the kitchen. 

He was too tired to be very curious about where the other was going, so he stayed where he was and focused on the only good thing about Valentine ’s Day. He opened the milk carton and took a drink. What Tsuzuku didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, and besides he had been the one who paid…

He jerked back awake and realized that he had begun to doze off while eating. He didn’t think he’d been asleep for more than a second, but if he fell asleep at the table he’d wake up with a sore neck for sure. When he looked down, more than half of the box of chocolate was gone already, so he put the milk in the fridge and carried the rest with him down the hall to Tsuzuku’s bedroom. 

Tsuzuku wasn’t there though, and he didn’t think he’d been in the living room either… but then he realized he could hear the shower running. Tsuzuku took notoriously long showers, he could be in there for another half hour, thinking about whatever it was that he thought about. So Koichi sat down on the bed. He hated to miss a good opportunity to snoop through someone’s bedroom and judge them, but he was too tired. He squirmed out of his jeans without standing up, then rolled over to the side of the bed closest to the wall. He was just going to check in on his nekoatsume before he went to sleep…

When Tsuzuku came out of the shower, he didn’t find Koichi in the living room or the kitchen. He almost didn’t find him in the bedroom either. But there he was, curled up in the bed with his head completely under the blankets and an open box of candy and his phone on the other side of the bed. When he sat down on the bed and got no response, he moved them to the nightstand and got under the blankets too. Koichi’s breath had warmed the air underneath and he was asleep almost before he managed to turn the light out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (the painting is edward hopper's nighthawks if you didn't catch that)


	2. Goodmorning, Tequila

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a slightly better idea where I'm going with this now. I'll be posting shorter chapters probably, so I can keep up my momentum? I also promise some smut as soon as it has been edited.

It was mid-morning when Tsuzuku first woke, but Koichi was still sound asleep on the other side of the bed. They had been awake nearly until dawn and knew he needed the extra rest, so he rolled over, trying to get comfortable again without waking Koichi and incurring his wrath. He pulled the blanket back up over his head, trying to block out the light that was sneaking in through the half-closed curtains. He was used to having the whole bed to himself and being able to sleep as diagonally as he wanted, but Koichi was in the way and unresponsive to any attempts to get him to move over. When he got as comfortable as he thought he was going to get, his forehead was pressed against Koichi’s back and he could smell cigarette smoke lingering in his hair. Fortunately, the time when that would have sent him searching for one last smoke was a few months past. Now, it was just the smell of Koichi and he drifted off thinking of the thick smell of smoke and hairspray in a dressing room, his bandmates trying to soothe their nerves before a live. 

When he woke next, Koichi’s elbow was in his face and the clock on the nightstand read 2:20. He didn’t bother trying to being quiet as he got out of bed, but his sleep deprived friend still showed no signs of waking, so he went to make coffee and try to get himself to clean up last night’s mess. 

In the kitchen, he gathered dirty glasses and piled them into the sink while he waited for the coffee to drip. He poured out half of a flat beer and tossed the bottle into the recycling, wondering if the noise of it would be enough to wake Koichi. Maybe he should feel just a little bad for not letting him sleep, he thought as he moved Koichi’s coat off the table and hung it on the back of a chair, but he hated waiting for anything. 

He was sitting on the sofa with the last of a cup of strong coffee when Koichi eventually wandered into the living room, wearing the leggings he had worn under his jeans the previous day and one of Tsuzuku’s long pajama shirts. He stood in the doorway for a minute, eyes half open, as he tried to get his bearings before speaking.

“Why did you let me fall asleep without brushing my teeth?” he whined, face twisted in disgust at the taste in his mouth.

“I don’t think I could have stopped you.”

Koichi grunted in acknowledgement and turned toward the bathroom. But he never came back to the living room, and when Tsuzuku carried his coffee back to the bedroom to check, he found him back in bed, sound asleep.

He could have another cup of hot coffee to warm him up, or he could get back under the covers with Koichi… standing beside the bed he was sorely tempted. Or he could do what his grandmother would have told him to do and ‘put a sweater on and stop bitching’. He pulled on the hoody he had left on top of his dresser, the one with the thumb holes that kept the sleeves pulled down over his hands, his favorite for cold weather. He knelt and dragged his laptop out from under the bed before heading back to the living room. He knew he’d probably just end up goofing off, but if he accidentally managed to do something productive, like check all his unread emails, then all the better.

When he logged in there were twenty new messages, more than half of them from their manager. Some of them were several weeks old, ones he’d been pointedly ignoring. He already knew what they were going to say, since they had arrived in the midst of his recent … downswing. He refused to call it a breakdown. And he didn’t need the condescension, the scolding and wheedling and nosiness he knew he would find in the messages that management sent out rapid-fire whenever they noticed him struggling. He was feeling pretty good right now and that would only bring him back down. He could never quite believe their concern was genuine anyway. He opened each one quickly to check it for anything important before deleting it essentially unread. The most recent was actually about the schedule for recording the vocal track. He thought they were being very optimistic about how long the guitar track was going to take, and he composed a reply saying as much, trying his hardest not to sound bitchy. That just left several emails from magazine editors and one from Jury Black, inviting him to a shop opening party. He’d let management do their jobs and deal with those. 

He leaned back and listened for any sign of life from his bandmate before going to watch the most popular puppy videos of the day on vine. If Koichi wasn’t awake by the time he was done, he’d go back there and drag him out of bed himself, he decided. But half an hour later he was in the middle of a video of a white bichon frise wiggling its ears when Koichi emerged from the bedroom of his own accord. He shoved his way onto the sofa, forcing Tsuzuku to scoot over or be sat on, and peered over at his computer screen.

“Hey! What if I’d been doing something private?” Tsuzuku scolded, but turned the screen for his friend to see anyway.

“Then I would surely have been struck blind,” Koichi replied, deadpan, pulling his fingers through his hair to try to corral it into a bun. “Besides, I hope you don’t do that on the sofa when you have guests over.”

When the jibe failed to get a reaction, Koichi pouted and went quiet. They both watched the bichon frise video loop a few more times before Koichi sighed and got up again. “Cute, but not enough cats,” he said, stretching. 

Tsuzuku watched his shirt creep up as he raised his arms. He was staring blatantly, eyebrows raised, at Koichi’s slim thighs in nothing but black leggings. But when Koichi gave him a pointed look in return, he made his staring into part of the joke, asking; “Are you ever going to put on any pants?” 

Koichi put a hand on his hip and took his sassiest attitude, “No, never again. Pants are an instrument of oppression. My look for the next PV will be nothing but a thong, like DOF’s drummer.”

“Sounds good to me, but I don’t think Mia’s going to like it…” Pretending to take Koichi’s sarcastic comments seriously was one of his favorite games because it always led to down a path of increasing absurdity.

“I’ll dye my pubes pink too and he’ll be too embarrassed to come on stage with us,” Koichi grinned before heading toward the kitchen.

“Wait, you’re telling me they aren’t already pink?” Tsuzuku called before getting up to follow him. He could hear Koichi’s laughter at his deliberately incredulous tone. When he came around the corner though, Koichi already had his mouth full of chocolate. He poured himself another cup of coffee and leaned against the counter while he watched his friend eat candy for breakfast without a hint of shame. Soon, Koichi noticed that the bottle of tequila from the night before was on the counter behind him. He pushed Tsuzuku out of the way with his hip, poured a shot and drank it quickly. 

“You’re kind of disgusting,” Tsuzuku made a face at the thought of chocolate and tequila.

“Thanks, I know. But it’s after noon isn’t it? It’s okay to start drinking.”

Tsuzuku watched him pour another shot before asking, “What’s up with you? You seem kinda more… Koichi than usual.” 

He knew he hadn’t really said what he meant to say, hadn’t accurately communicated that Koichi seemed more impulsive and childish than usual, and he half expected to be asked what the hell he meant. But Koichi seemed to know exactly what he was talking about, sighing and screwing the lid back on the tequila.

“I’m just tired from acting like a responsible adult for too long.”

“How can you be tired of it already when you haven’t even started yet?”

Koichi punched him in the shoulder and continued, “I just miss hanging out all the time and doing stupid shit like we used to. We’re always so busy lately. Remember when we used to just lay around all day and watch bad slasher movies? I started a movie over a week ago a still haven’t found time to finish it.”

“We didn’t have anything to do because we couldn’t book a fucking show,” Tsuzuku reminded him.

“I know.” The answer came quietly on a sigh, and Tsuzuku could feel something unsaid as well, some ‘I know, but’, but he didn’t know quite what it could be. Koichi was leaning against the counter, looking subdued, and he felt like he had to say something to cheer him back up.

“Well, if you miss me so badly, until Mia’s done recording, you can crash here and pretend to be a starving artist who has to share an apartment again.”

He had been half joking, but Koichi didn’t seem to notice. He seem almost about to agree, but he hesitated for a moment, then answered “I can’t, the cats…”

“Oh, right.”

“In fact, I’ve got to get home soon and feed them. I guess I will have to put pants on after all.” Koichi pushed away from the counter and left the kitchen. Tsuzuku heard him moving around in the bedroom and he returned a while later fully clothed, though his hair was still a mess.

Within half an hour Tsuzuku was seeing him out and wondering what he was going to do with himself now. After he closed the door, he wandered out onto the balcony. He was just in time to see Koichi cross the parking lot, carrying bags full of all the chocolate he hadn’t been able to finish yet. Even from the fifth floor Tsuzuku could see the white mist of his breath. As he was cutting thought the hedges, he stopped and looked down. Tsuzuku watched as he knelt and held out his hand to the stray who emerged from the plants and wound around his legs. He could see Koichi’s mouth moving, but couldn’t imagine what he could be talking about to the cat. Feeling strangely left out, he stepped back inside and closed the door against the cold.

In the bedroom, he found his pajama shirt which Koichi had left sloppily folded on his dresser. It was always a strange mix of annoying and comforting, the way Koichi borrowed his things so freely. The shirt still smelled faintly of smoke. He was going to go toss it in the laundry basket when his phone buzzed, a text from Koichi.

‘i was thinking about what you said. ive got to be here to take care of my unusually hairy children. but you could come crash here for a while’

Another message followed before he could decide how to reply.

‘we really ought to take advantage of this lull in the storm.’


	3. The Lull

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a hard time deciding where to end this chapter, hope it isn't to abrupt/incomplete feeling.

Tsuzuku spent the last few hours of daylight fielding calls from management. There were a lot of question about release dates and venues that needed to be settled. Mia was really better at handling that kind of stuff. But Mia was pretty tied up at the moment, so it fell to him. Now that management was in talks about venues for the next tour, he knew it wouldn’t be long until they were all working franticly again, getting in each other’s ways and spilling coffee on important things. He was still debating rather he should go over to Koichi’s that night, or the next day, or not at all. He hadn’t even answered the text. It was one of those days where it was hard to get up the motivation to do even things he really wanted or needed to do. Doing nothing all day sounded especially good when he knew it would be his last chance to do it for a while.

But it would probably be his last chance to just chill with Koichi for while too, and he did have to assume Koichi really wanted him there, or he wouldn’t have asked. He wasn’t the type to make offers just out of politeness. He tended to say exactly what he meant, even when maybe he shouldn’t, especially to one of his closest friends. Although Tsuzuku had to wonder, was he really one of his closest friends anymore? Lately he had felt like he was only hearing about Koichi’s life second hand, through his blog or from Mia. The Koichi he knew would have texted him to tell about everything, even if it was the middle of the night. He guessed Koichi was kind of right about them not spending enough time together.

He was laying on the sofa, avoiding having to figure out what he actually wanted, avoiding making up his mind. He had just concluded that there was nothing worth watching on any of three hundred channels when his phone rang again. It was after 8, the office really ought to know not to call so late. Besides, he had already dealt with work stuff enough for one day and he knew there wasn’t anything thing useful he could actually do while they were waiting on Mia. He let it ring until it went to voice mail.

He started cycling through the channels again, but he didn’t have time to make it through all three hundred before his phone rang again. He sighed, but sat up and answered it. 

“Hey, you coming over or not?” It was Koichi, sounding a little annoyed. Or maybe a little worried. It was hard to tell over the sound of the music he had playing in the background

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.” He knew he should have replied earlier, especially since he was the one who had brought up the whole staying over thing in the first place. Though he still wasn’t quite sure why he had said it or how seriously he had meant it. It had just seemed like something that would cheer Koichi up. He didn’t really know how to deal with a subdued Koichi. He depended on him to always be fun, and seeing that momentary glimpse of melancholy in the kitchen earlier had bothered him.

“You all right? I tried to call earlier and you didn’t answer,” Koichi was saying.

“No, I was just getting ready,” he lied. “What are we going to do? Can I dress like a slob?”

“It’s just a sleepover. I didn’t think you’d feel like going out anyway, right?”

“Right.” Koichi knew him too well. Even though he was in a much better mood than he had been a few weeks ago, he still didn’t feel like facing any kind of crowd at a bar. He got up and turned the tv off, heading to the bedroom to pack a few things. “A sleepover?” 

“A sleepover. I’m going to braid you hair. That’s what girls do at sleepovers right?” Koichi sounded a little distracted, and he could hear the sound of dishes clanking together in the background. He was probably rushing to clean up his messy kitchen before Tsuzuku could see it.

“Not according to what I’ve seen in porn.”

“Gross. Bring a toothbrush so you don’t have to use mine like I had to use yours.” With that, he hung up before Tsuzuku could say anything else. He wouldn’t really have used Tsuzuku’s toothbrush, would he? He had sounded serious, but he had probably hung up quickly so that he wouldn’t be heard laughing.

Tsuzuku folded up some pajamas and packed them into a shoulder bag along with his phone charger and laptop. He had some good movies downloaded- if he could convince his friend to watch any of them. He changed out of his pajamas into a pair of grey jeans and a sweatshirt, because he knew if he wore his usual black he’d end up covered in cat hair.

In the bathroom, he straightened his hair and brushed it until it looked decent enough that he didn’t think Koichi would make fun of him. He hesitated before picking up his toothbrush. He hadn’t brushed his teeth yet that day… so if it was still it was still wet that would mean Koichi really had used it. He poked the bristles tentatively but found them dry, much to his relief. Koichi probably hadn’t wanted to use his grown-up toothpaste, since he preferred that sweet, pink Barney kind. He brushed his teeth and packed up his overnight bag. 

In the foyer, he put on his favorite red sneakers and a duffle coat. He didn’t look forward to the crowds on the train, but hopefully at this time of night it wouldn’t be too bad. And the sooner he left the sooner he’d be safe and sound at Koichi’s. He took the stairs down five flights instead of waiting for the elevator. After spending so much time lying in bed that morning, he felt the need to stretch his legs. He was sure they’d end up being up all night and sleeping all the next day again too. 

He crossed the parking lot in the dark. At the hedges he stopped to look for the cat. “Kitty? Tell me what secrets Koichi told you.” Yellow eyes glowed a few yards away, but the cat came no closer and kept whatever Koichi had told him to himself, so Tsuzuku moved on.

When he got off the train at Koichi’s station, he took the shortest route, even though it passed through the shopping street with its crowds. He passed under city workers on ladders taking down the Valentine ’s Day light displays. I could write a song about that, he thought, love that burns out like a light bulb, love that’s put away in a warehouse when its time is through. He turned the idea over in his mind, walking the familiar path on auto-pilot, and before he knew it he was at Koichi’s door. In the hall, he dug out his copy of the key and let himself in. If he snuck in quietly, maybe he’d manage a glimpse of what Koichi’s kitchen looked like when he wasn’t trying to be presentable. Instead, he knocked over an umbrella that was leaning against the wall when he bent over to take his shoes off. At the sound, Koichi called out, “Hey, I’m in the kitchen. C’mere.”

When he followed the directive, he found Koichi at the counter with a cat perched awkwardly on his shoulder and a colorful mug in each hand. “Take this before Unimaru makes me drop it,” he said, holding the Donatello mug out to Tsuzuku and taking a sip from the Michelangelo one. 

“What is it?”

“I made hot chocolate for poor Tsu-chan who had to walk in the cold.”

Koichi was teasing him about it, probably ashamed to be caught doing something nice, but it was actually sounded just right after being out in the elements. He took a sip. It was still perfectly hot. “Good timing.”

“More like I know exactly how long it takes you to get ready. Ah-” he grimaced as the cat tried to turn around and ended up clawing his shoulder. “You can take this beast too. Hold still,” he said, leaning his shoulder against Tsuzuku’s to make a bridge. The warmth of the contact was welcome after the damp, chilly night, but once Unimaru had crossed over, he stood back and took his warmth with him. Tsuzuku was almost in the mood to beg a nice long hug like he sometimes did when he was feeling off, but not quite.

They sipped their cocoa in silence for a few moments, while Tsuzuku tried to get used being a cat toy and took the opportunity to observe Koichi in his natural habitat. He was wearing pink leopard print pajama pants and looking right at home in his tacky, cluttered kitchen. Tsuzuku noticed that his collection of toys had grown since last time he was over and was beginning to spill over from the living room. A Mr. Potato Head with an extra eye where his nose should have been was surveilling them from the top of the refrigerator. 

Koichi watched in amusement as his friend struggled with the weight of the cat. Tsuzuku hadn’t yet learned to trust Unimaru to balance himself and was continuously over-balancing, the two of them unable to find their equilibrium. He didn’t think Tsuzuku realized he was smiling, but he was as the cat when it nuzzled his cheek. Despite his odd lack of a response earlier in the day and his bitching about the going out, he actually had seemed in a generally good mood lately.

Deleting all his public social media accounts seemed to have worked wonders for him after his last bad spell. Or maybe that was mixing up cause and effect- maybe the unpredictable return of his good mood had given him the motivation to do something to take care of himself. One way or the other, he was neither insisting on moping alone while reading nasty posts about himself, nor drinking wildly. Koichi was glad, but worried about the small but sudden washes of melancholy he himself had been feeling recently. They weren’t pleasant, but he was more concerned that Tsuzuku would be dragged down by them. 

“I glad I could convince you to come out. It only took what, 3 phone calls?” he chided.

“Two. It wasn’t that bad. At least I didn’t require a poem.”

“Remember that for future reference. All it takes to summon me is an adequately dirty limerick.” He led the way toward the sofa and Tsuzuku followed. “I know you cheated and didn’t write that one though.”

“I learned it from a senpai in high school. He was the guy who sold porno mags on the roof during lunch.”

“And of course you were great friends with a guy like that.” Koichi rolled his eyes and folded himself onto one side of the couch.

“Sorry, not all of us grew up with dial-up access to the international spank bank. Back in my day you needed connections.” Tsuzuku sat down an put his feet up on the coffee table, careful not to knock over the bottles of rhinestones left out from whatever Koichi had been working on. The cat leapt from his shoulder onto the back of the couch and then snuck away.

It was true, Koichi thought. Even with less than five years difference in their ages, the crappy connection they’d gotten in 2003 had made his teenage years quite different to Tsuzuku’s. But he really didn’t want to talk about porn. He knew Tsuzuku would jerk it to anything and everything. He rather wished he didn’t know, but he had been unable to resist the snooping opportunity presented by a 30GB folder labeled PORN saved right in plain view on Tsuzuku’s desktop when he borrowed his bandmate’s laptop once years ago.

Koichi grabbed the remote off the coffee table and hit the power. When the tv failed to respond, he pushed the button again, to no effect.

“Battery?” Tsuzuku suggested, eyeing him as he struggled.

“Nah, the light’s still blinking,” Koichi answered, waving the remote around to try to get the signal in the right direction. “I think there’s a furby in front of the receiver.”

Tsuzuku rolled off the sofa and went to rearrange furbies while Koichi continued to try the remote. He couldn’t see where the receiver might be on the front of the slick flat-screen tv, but after he moved a blue tiger-striped bird monster slightly to the left, suddenly the power came on. 

“Of course it was that one. That’s the one that Mia taught to say his name first and now it doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Does it also continue to talk when you take the batteries out?”

“Yeah man, they all do that. It’s part of the charm.”

“I thought that was an urban legend,” Tsuzuku said, climbing back onto the sofa.

Koichi just shook his head, busy scrolling through the program guide. Tsuzuku couldn’t quite tell if he was joking. He had tuned to an episode of some cartoon Tsuzuku didn’t recognize, something with a pink lion. Tsuzuku was worried he was going to be ignored in favor of the tv. But Koichi hadn’t turned the volume up far and didn’t seem to be paying much attention to it as he turned to face Tsuzuku and stretched his legs out on top of his lap. “You been thinking about costumes yet?” he began. 

“A little. I watched Marie Antoinette the other day and I keep thinking rococo.”

“You’re going to do a dress again?”

“I don’t know. Should I?” 

“Rococo… goes well with symphonic metal, doesn’t it. I was going to do a dress too though. Like, 1992 Thierry Muggler, gold and black.”

Unlike Koichi, Tsuzuku couldn’t picture all the dresses at every fashion week in the last 20 years, and the conversation began to trail off a little as they gave some of their attention to the musical number happening on screen. The main character was performing in drag and Koichi laughed, “Next episode: Steven joins a VK band.”

At the end of the episode Koichi got up to refill his cocoa mug and smoke half a cigarette leaning out the kitchen window. When he came back a while later, Tsuzuku had changed the channel. He was watching something dull and slow by Ingmar Bergman. Koichi could never tell his films apart, but Tsuzuku seemed to love them so he sat down silently and returned his feet to Tsuzuku’s lap.

Half an hour in, the long, silent shots of human suffering were making him feel claustrophobic and he regretted not making Tsuzuku change it back. “I’m going to go take a bath. Don’t get into any trouble,” he said as he stood and left Tsuzuku to finish the movie without him, patting his head once as he walked behind the sofa.

Tsuzuku heard the bathroom door click shut and water running a few minutes later. He supposed it was better than being forced to abandon his movie unfinished, but he still hated to be ignored by someone when they were supposed to be spending time together. He was beginning to understand why people called him clingy. He decided he’d let Koichi pick the next thing they watched, even though he kind of wanted to see the movie he knew was coming on after this one. 

But when the credits rolled, more than an hour later, Koichi was still in the bath. He stayed in front of the tv for a moment, thinking about the ending and the meaning and the bleakness of it all. The credits were scrolling on a black screen and the lights were still off, the room all in darkness as he shook himself out of the story and back to real life. He followed the hallway toward the sliver of light shining from under the bathroom door. Even from out in the hallway he could smell something sweet and fruity.

“Are you still in there?” he called out. A stupid question, but it was the first thing that came to his lips.

He heard splashing as Koichi answered, “Yup. Did that woman finally die?”

“Yeah, very dead,” he answered, sliding down to sit outside the door. It was a weird way to converse, but better than nothing. “You missed a really good movie.”

“I don’t know how you can watch that stuff,” came the answer. “I don’t mind sad movies but if I have to sit through another 10 minute long shot of a stony seashore I’ll scream.”

“If I promise to let you pick the next movie will you come out?”

“Not yet, I’ve got a giant pineapple bathbomb going in here and I mean to enjoy it.”

That explained the smell. Out in the dark, Tsuzuku watched shadows shift through the light under the door as Koichi moved. “Well, if you’re not going to come out, maybe I should join you. It’s boring out here. Even your cats are ignoring me.” He’d rolled a cat toy across the living room floor earlier hoping to summon one, but gotten no response. 

In the bathroom, Koichi laughed at Tsuzuku’s petulant tone. “Sure, whatever. Bring me something cold,” he mumbled. He leaned back again and watched a bead of water on the faucet grow and then fall. He heard Tsuzuku get up and move off down the hall. They had all night and at least all of the next day to spend together, and he know the other could find some way to keep himself entertained for an hour or two, even if he complained about it. He had the wifi password, he could stream as many Swedish existentialist films as he liked. By the time Koichi was ready to get out of the bath, hopefully he’d be ready to watch some Ren and Stimpy. He watched the faucet drip and wondered if Mia was still in the studio at this time of night. Another water drop was just on the brink of falling when he heard footsteps coming back. At the sound of the door knob turning, he turned his head and missed the exact moment it broke free.

“You made me miss it,” He complained as Tsuzuku stepped into the bathroom. He had stripped to down to his jeans, and was holding a can of cold beer out to him, having apparently heard Koichi’s answer and taken it at face value. Koichi tried not to look surprised, through that definitely was not what he had intended.

“Miss what?” Tsuzuku looked confused as he sat another beer down on the counter and took one of Koichi’s hair ties to pull his hair up. 

“I’m studying the water drops so I can predict when they’ll fall. My accuracy is increasing.” Koichi was staring at the faucet again as Tsuzuku watched him in the mirror. He was submerged up to his shoulders in foamy pink water, his hair pulled up in a bun to keep it dry. A few dark strand from the underlayer had escaped and clung damply to his neck.

Tsuzuku pulled off his jeans and turned on the shower to wash up. Koichi opened his beer and said, “If I had known you were serious, I would have specified ice cream.”

“Ice-cream in the bath?” 

“The hotter the bath, the better ice-cream tastes.”

He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised; Koichi would eat ice-cream anytime, anywhere. He watched him watch the water drops for a moment as he rinsed soap from his back. Koichi’s comment about not thinking he was serious gave him pause. They’d been to a sento together multiple times within the last year, but that wasn’t the same as squeezing into a bathtub together. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so hasty to push in on Koichi’s personal space. But if Koichi was wanting to relive their youth, this was exactly the kind of thing they used to do. 

But one way or the other he was already naked and committed to it, so he wasn’t going to back out now. He grabbed his beer and stepped into the tub. Koichi pulled his knees up to make room for him. The water was almost too hot by his standards; he was used to his long, lukewarm showers. He watched Koichi sink back down into the water and sip his beer as he opened his own, hoping that the alcohol and the heat combined wouldn’t make them too lightheaded.

“If the bath is supposed to be pineapple, why it is pink?” 

“Because pink is cute. Pink pineapple is a miracle of modern science. ” After a moment of thoughtful silence Koichi added, “Also, pineapple colored bathwater would look like pee.”

That got both of them laughing, and Tsuzuku’s worries began to dissolve. He prodded Koichi’s ankle until he scooted his legs over, then stretched out his own legs beside him. It was much more comfortable than sitting folded up across from each other, and Koichi must have agreed because he soon stretched out on the other side of the tub. There was barely room for both of them and Koichi’s legs were soft and smooth where they pressed against his own. He must have just shaved them. As Tsuzuku looked, he noticed a jarring interruption of Koichi’s otherwise flawless legs, skin pink from the heat. There was a nasty looking bruise on the inside of his knee. It wasn’t quite scabby, but red and raw as thought it had bled under the skin. “What happened here?” he asked, prodding at it.

“A sweet kickflip gone wrong. Don’t poke it asshole, it still hurts.” He slapped Tsuzuku’s hand away.

“Sorry,” he said, insincerely. He let his hand trail down Koichi’s calf as he moved it away from his knee. Under the water, he rubbed his thumb lazily over the bones of his ankle. He might get slapped for that too, but Koichi’s legs were so soft that his hands acted with a mind of their own, seeking the sensation.

“Enjoying yourself?”

“Uh-huh.” Tsuzuku had closed his eyes, but he could imagine just the sort of judgmental look Koichi was giving him.

“You get a boner and I will drown you in this bath tub. Those are the rules.”

“I want to say ‘Don’t flatter yourself’, but honestly, knowing me, your terms are fair.” It seemed like Koichi was going to put up with him for now. He was glad; he never knew how much he’d be able to get away with without getting himself into trouble. Sometime Koichi would flirt and even sit in his lap, pouting if he didn’t get attention in return. Other times he seemed uncomfortable with even compliments on his appearance, or Tsuzuku’s touch as he helped adjust a costume. What he had said came dangerously close to admitting ‘I could get hard to you’ though, so he shut his mouth before he lost his privileges. He was sure Koichi already kind of knew that that was true, and wouldn’t want to hear any more about it now of all times.

Silence had settled again and he was almost drifting off to sleep with his hand still on Koichi’s ankle. Yawning, he set his beer down on the edge of the tub before he dropped it. “This is making me sleepy.”

“You can’t possibly be tired already, we didn’t even get up till like four thirty.”

“You didn’t get up till four thirty, I was up by like two.”

Koichi wasn’t looking at him as he spoke, instead watching the tap drip behind his shoulder. “Hmm, well-rested Tsuzuku hadn’t been slaving over a hot stove all week either… stove, bass, whatever. You know what I mean,” he added as Tsuzuku opened his eyes to give him a skeptical look. “I’m saying you have no excuse for falling asleep on me before we have some fun.”

“I’m having fun,” Tsukuku murmured, closing his eyes again as he leaned his head back against the tile wall.

Strangely, Koichi thought, he was actually having fun too. Not the kind of boisterous fun he usually sought, but the relaxing, comfortable fun one can only find in the company of friends. He was enjoying Tsuzuku’s company, the scent of pineapple, the hot water and the cold beer… at that exact moment there wasn’t anything he would complain about, anything he would change. He would never admit it, but even the hand on his ankle felt kind of nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it seems that this is going to be a slow paced story, a slow burn kind of thing that examines in detail the growing intimacy of these two dorks. We started with valentines day, and we'll see where they are in a month on white day. All that I have written is over 10k already.


	4. The Lull Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still working on this, I promise! Got it mapped out for 9 chapters, including some drama, decided exactly how its going to end....

When they finally emerged from the bath, Koichi insisted that they finish their evening with the Lilo and Stich straight-to-video sequel. With just a towel around his waist, Tsuzuku went to the living room to grab his bag so that he could put his pajamas on instead of his jeans. He stood for a moment watching as Koichi cleared craft supplies off the coffee table and set the movie up. When Koichi turned and caught sight of him, he picked up the shirt Tsuzuku had left lying on the sofa and threw it at him, scolding, “Go put some fucking clothes on.”

He made a show of looking put out about it, but turned and headed back to the bedroom to obey. He left his bag laying on Koichi’s bed in the company of a large plush mogwai and changed into sweatpants. It was plenty warm in the apartment, especially after a hot bath, but he put his shirt on too. One encounter with a cat who wanted to play with his nipple piercings had been painful enough to make sure he always wore a shirt around Chikuwa. 

When he returned to the living room Koichi was already getting comfortable with a box of his left-over valentines candy. He sat down next to him and grabbed a chocolate for himself as Koichi ignored him in favor of the screen. He squirmed one way and then the other, finding that there wasn’t really room to lay down comfortably on the sofa with Koichi there. He could put his feet in Koichi’s lap, like his bandmate always did to him, but that would leave his back pressed awkwardly against the arm of the sofa. Eventually he turned the other way and laid his head in Koichi’s lap. It didn’t give him a good view of the tv, but he didn’t particularly care.

“I just got away from one cat with no sense of personal space, now I have to deal with you?” Koichi sighed, holding the chocolate box aloft for a moment while Tsuzuku settled in, before deciding to set it on his stomach.

“I’m a dog, not a cat, obviously. Pet me.”

Koichi wasn’t sure how to pet a human, but Tsuzuku was trying to make puppy eyes at him and he really wanted that to stop, so he ran his hand through Tsuzuku’s hair. It worked; Tsuzuku closed his eyes contentedly. He continued to move his fingers slowly, mindlessly, directing his attention back to the animation now that his bandmate was quiet. He had the sense Tsuzuku was feeling a little needy; he’d been awfully touchy these last few days. He didn’t mind doing something like this to cheer him up though; his unbleached hair was soft and rather pleasant to pet, and falling back into a comfortable familiarity with his best friend was soothing for him as well. 

It was a short movie, but by the time it was over, Tsuzuku had long since dozed off. He had rolled to the side a little, breath warm against Koichi’s thigh. Koichi’s hand was still in his hair, but he didn’t want the movement to wake him up just yet, so he left it there. He took the last chocolate from the box, thinking about rather they should just head to bed or watch another movie. But he fumbled trying to open the foil wrapper with one hand and dropped the candy right onto Tsuzuku’s face. “Oops,” he whispered, stifling a laugh.

He watched as Tsuzuku opened his eyes in confusion, feeling for the candy stuck to his cheek and popping it in his mouth as Koichi giggled. Went he felt in the box for another but found only crumpled wrappers, he turned to poke at the bassist’s stomach, goading him, “I can’t believe you just ate that entire box of chocolate by yourself, unappetizing pig.”

Koichi curled over to protect himself, grabbing Tsuzuku’s hands as the empty box slid to the floor. “Stop, stop,” he gasped, “you sadist.”

“Sadist, huh…” Tsuzuku said, but he stopped his tickling and watched as Koichi got control of his breathing. He’d be pissed at himself forever if he triggered another asthma attack, as he had once years ago before he knew about Koichi’s asthma, before he had been entrusted to carry around one of his spare inhalers. He still had it, generally unneeded, possibly expired, but following his phone and wallet over whenever he bought a new handbag. It seemed like Koichi was okay this time though, straightening up and shooting him a look that dared him to deny his sadism, so he held up his hands in silent surrender. 

He rolled off the sofa to pick of the fallen box, but the few seconds it took him to put it on the coffee table were all it took for Koichi to stretch out over the entire sofa. He didn’t really have the energy to make him move back over, so he stayed sitting at the foot of the sofa, leaning his cheek against the cushions near Koichi’s waist. He was getting comfortable, laying on his side and hugging a pillow with one hand while messing with the remote with the other. He shut the dvd player off and let the tv drone quietly in the back ground, but turned his attention back to Tsuzuku, working his hands back into his hair.

Tsuzuku quickly realized he wasn’t just being indulgently petted this time; Koichi was doing something deliberate, with both hands tugging gently at his hair. “What are you doing to me now?”

“I told you I was going to braid your hair,” Koichi answered just as he let one small braid drop down in front of his eyes and began another. 

“So you did. Are we going to talk about boys next?” Between the texture and the short length of his hair, the untied braid was already untwisting itself. But he let Koichi continue his Sisyphean task.

“Sure. What about Luvia-san?”

“What about him?” Tsuzuku laughed, surprised that Koichi was really going to talk about this.

“Hot or not?”

He couldn’t see the look on Koichi’s face with his head down against the sofa, but he decided he might as well answer the question seriously. It was very rare that he could get the bassist to talk about his taste in guys or even in girls, but he had never made a habit of keeping anything from his friend. The teasing tone of his voice indicated that Koichi knew enough about Tsuzuku’s interests to already know the answer anyway.

“He’s got a split tongue too, right? Pretty hot.” He thought about trying to ask for Koichi’s opinion, but doubted he’d get an answer. He knew that Koichi like guys too; it had come up briefly, just once, years ago when Vanessa was still together, when they shared a shitty apartment, shared clothes, told each other everything. He might even prefer guys, since Tsuzuku essentially never heard him talk about girls, had noticed how he clammed up when asked his opinion on idols. But he was always quiet about it, hadn’t said anything else after that one time, seemed almost ashamed. Had Koichi even ever had a boyfriend? Tsuzuku hadn’t heard about it if so. 

It was an odd thing to be thinking about now, but it did bother him. It was something between them, a gap to stumble over in the dark. A question he didn’t feel like he was allowed to even try to ask his best friend. It was odd in the face of all the details Tsuzuku shared with him, and it bothered him to think that it might be shame. Koichi had to know that it wouldn’t bother him, so why was he so hush-hush then? Tsuzuku did enough self-hatred for the whole band, so he was tempted for a minute, as he had been a few times before, to bring it up.

But maybe these were the kind of secrets Koichi only shared with stray cats.

“Still there?” Koichi prodded, tugging a braid. “You better not be thinking dirty thoughts.” 

Tsuzuku only raised his middle finger in response, “Not all my gay thoughts are dirty.”

Koichi let another braid go to begin to come undone, and Tsuzuku reached up and tugged at the hair tie holding his bun. 

“Hey!” Koichi complained as Tsuzuku let his hair down, a wavy pink mess after the steam of the bath.

“I have the feeling you’ve made me look like an idiot, so I should get to do the same to you.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll fix it.” He dodged Tsuzuku’s hand and pushed his hair back over his shoulder before beginning to carefully undo what was left of the braids, restoring order to his smooth black hair. What he was done he sat up and ran his fingers through his own hair as the other watched, pulling at tangles until he could wrangle it back to a bun. 

“It seems like a shame since we haven’t managed to get drunk yet, but I could go to sleep already,” Tsuzuku murmured from his place at his knee, slumped heavily against the couch cushions.

“Eh, it’s like one or two am? I could sleep,” Koichi shrugged. 

He shut off the tv and stood once Tsuzuku had moved to make room for him to put his feet down. At the bathroom sink, Tsuzuku borrowed his bubble gum toothpaste, just to see what the appeal was. He didn’t get it. They made faces at each other through the mirror as they brushed their teeth side by side.

In the bed room, Tsuzuku watched Koichi shove stuffed animals onto the floor to make room. There had been no discussion of where he would sleep, but he had followed the other into his room anyway, assuming he wouldn’t be relegated to the sofa. Without a word, Koichi scooted to the far side of the bed, leaving the side that wasn’t against the wall for Tsuzuku and his insomnia. 

Tsuzuku flipped off the light before he lay down, burrowing into sheets that were still cold to the touch. At this hour, even the light-pollution glow of the city wasn’t enough to reach them thought the curtains, and only the sound of a dog barking barely reached them there on the fifth floor. He was drifting off already when he felt Koichi lean over and reach across him, grabbing something from the bedside table. When he opened his eyes, he saw him putting on his awful black framed glasses, staring into the blueish glow of his phone.

“Nice glasses, nerd.”

Koichi smushed his free hand down over his face in response. “You want me to be able to read this potentially important text from Mia or not?”

“Mia? At this time of night?” He was tempted to sit up and read over Koichi’s shoulder, but instead he let his hand stay over his eyes, getting sleepy again in the darkness. 

“He’s still in the studio. One of the monitors has gone dead but he thinks you should be prepared to record by like the 19th.”

“Shit, that soon?”

“Uh-huh.” 

Koichi took his hand away from Tsuzuku’s eyes, and in the brief second before he closed them again Tsuzuku saw him roll onto his side, turn the brightness down until there was only a faint glow reflecting off his glasses as he read something on his phone. He wondered if Koichi would rather have stayed up a while, watched another movie, but he was to sleepy to worry about it, drifting off to the rhythmic rustling as Koichi’s feet wiggled restlessly back and forth, back and forth.

Koichi eventually closed his ebook, reached carefully over his sleeping friend to put his glasses back on the table, settled in to sleep. In the morning, he knew that he would have to deal with the rest of the contents of Mia’s messages, making arrangements for the transportation of his equipment for the music video and then the tour, seeing about replacing the fucked up monitor. He’d be busy, and Tsuzuku would be recording soon too. The eye of the storm had passed, and things would be chaos again. He made a promise to himself not to let that get in the way again; not to go weeks without texting his friend a just-because message, not to let himself make the excuse that he was too tired.

He woke up sometime later to the feeling of Tsuzuku tugging at the pillow he was holding, pulling it away from him. The room was still dark, but he could hear traffic beginning on the streets outside, car doors slamming in the parking lot. In the darkness all he could see was messy black hair, a pale tattooed hand. He closed his eyes again and slapped halfheartedly at Tsuzuku’s hand. This was his favorite hugging pillow and he didn’t know why he would want to take it. But Tsuzuku got it away from him anyway, tossed it to the side of the bed and rolled over into the space he had made.

“Cold,” he muttered.

Koichi didn’t believe it for a second. If he was really cold he would have just gotten the extra blanket from the foot of the bed. He let Tsuzuku cuddle up to him anyway though, wrapping an arm around him and putting his head on his shoulder. Squirming until he found a position where hard ridges of bone weren’t poking him, he resumed the position he’d been in with the stolen pillow. 

He might sigh dramatically at his friends clingy impulses sometimes, but really, this was familiar territory. They hadn’t been here in a while, too busy and drifting frustratingly into that co-worker kind of relationship, but they fell back into it easily. It was at least some of what Koichi had felt was missing lately; this youthful friendship, this closeness, but a certain obscure stress was still hanging over him. It felt almost like loneliness, but he wasn’t alone, so that couldn’t be right. Maybe it was anxiety about getting older. Grown-up friendships were never the same; people moved away, had too many responsibilities, lost each other’s phone numbers, forgot each other. He thought of his mother and her best friend, how the girl who’s hair she had braided at sleepovers had become someone she saw once or twice a year, hosted with awkward formality.

It was a pit in his stomach, this strange melancholy that had been creeping up on him lately. But right now, he had the band, both for its own sake, for the love of the music, and as something to hold him and Tsuzuku together. They’d be touring before too long, and they’d have the thrilling tension, the wild energy of the show strung between then as Tsuzuku grinned at him from across the stage. And he had Tsuzuku’s quiet heartbeat under his hand now, lulling him back to sleep.


End file.
